Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Your words of insincerity

Fuck you.

I rarely swear but this time the urge is too strong. Are you kidding me. It's been five years since the last form of communication. I would guess it's been 7 or 8 since anything and that whole time you used me as a placeholder. I was the girl that you liked when you felt lonely, or were insecure or the one you ran to after breakups. I was never the one. I wasn't the one who you ever gave anything up for, I was the one you gave up for anything. 

So you have no right to now say that you miss me and adore me and have aways cared. I am unsure if you ever knew enough about me to have cared. I have a life now. I have love now. I have someone who loves me and waited for me for years. Someone who would actually put me first. And you have a family. So do not think for a second you can say anything. Do not try and apologize because you think your words are anything more than transparent and that they will some how change anything. 

I am not a placeholder. I am not going to wonder if you ever loved me. If you ever even knew the hell that was my life at that period. Or if you ever realized that my self esteem was so low that I didn't know how to walk away from being walked over. I am not her any more. And I never deserved that. And you never deserved me.

So fuck you for trying to step into my happiness.

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