Sunday, 7 June 2015

End of an Error

Tomorrow marks the passing of another year. The more you think about it the weirder it seems. We choose one day and mark it as an aging process even though that is happening constantly. I am no different tomorrow than I am today or today than I was yesterday. At least no different that daily changes. Saying I am twenty seven won't mean I am anything different than twenty six. It is just a number. But I am selfish and like people saying how cool I am and buying me gifts. So I go along with it and eat the heck out of the junk put in front of me. So I figure if I so easily participate in the commercialism I should at least try and reflect. So here it is. Thoughts from my twenty six year old mind.

- as hard as it is mentally to buy clothes a size bigger than what you think should be your constant it is okay. I just bought shorts a size bigger and they fit perfect! No lying hips, no wondering if my stomach is too apparent. And the thing that I was caught up on was the fact I wasn't getting far, I was getting fit so why should I have to go up? Hello muscle. And butt. So really, it's freeing not caring about sizes. Just buy what fits. Screw the number. Numbers shouldn't have such a hold on us anyways.

- getting away from life just to be with your other is the best thing you can do. Some times life just needs to be put on hold so you can just remember why you are each other's others.

- sometimes you just have to toughen up.

-being pretty is the hardest thing ever. So when you find things that work stick with them and when you are having a bad day it's okay to put on sweats and avoid mirrors. 

- I am hilarious. I don't even care if no one else agrees. Tonight I was laughing so hard at a thought in my head I was crying through my laughter and my mother asked me if I needed to excuse myself from my own present opening. I am sorry, sometimes I am just so funny.

- when you get to be this old and are married everyone asks when you are having kids. It is no ones damn business. So the best option is to always lie and say you are pregnant. And then if they congratulate you, you chastise them for thinking you are fat. This will teach people to stop asking. When I choose to create humans you will not be the first to know. Thanks for assuming. 

- a career can be a life changer. I never assumed that I could work somewhere and that it could be so much of my life. I love it. I breathe it. And I am not ready to give that all up. I am good at what I do and I want to enjoy that for awhile. Doing what you love changes every single thing. I am sorry for the people that suffered at the expense of being my friend in all those years before I had a career. I am much more awesome now. 

- it is okay to let go. Of people. Of old things. Of love. Of memories. I used to think I had to hold on to every little thing because it was part of me. I didn't hoard by any means. Or maybe I did emotionally. But I am learning to let go. I don't need to remember the times you walked away from me. Or the times I selfishly walked on hearts. I am who I am at this moment because of my past but it can stay the past. I don't need to be brought down life is hard enough. So I have been learning to cut cords and walk away as the bridges fall into the water.

- words soothe me. Music. Writing. Reading. It is what I crave. What I need. It feels like it gives me breathe. And I can't forget that.

- lastly, as I am hungry and tired. I cannot be someone else. I think I try it all the time. I just need to be me. And sometimes that means accepting I am
Not 23. Or that it is not 2003 and that not everyone listens to tbs or thinks enough music is where it is at. I am actually pretty weird and getting older and an adult with a job and a house and a life and I just need to be me and embrace all that. 

Twenty seven is going to be a ride.

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