It's been a few days past 5 months. Things were fine. I was trying to move on and be less afraid of what I couldn't remember and just to live. I worked. I worked out. I played. And now here I am. The headaches are back. And is it because I chose boxing and have been hit in the head more times than I would ever admit? Or it is because I am stressed? Or it is because I have just worked myself up to think I have headaches because I want an excuse? I am not sure. But I am sure I didn't want the sensitivity. The spot I assume I hit aches again. And by aches I mean it's like a knife any time something touches my head. Or when I am doing nothing. It is back to that sharp random pain that makes me cringe. I have two days until my next class. I don't want to be a quitter. I don't want to bail on class because I feel less than perfect. But I also am starting to worry that getting hit is actually making things worse.
And in the end none of this explains the moodiness or the constant turmoil my stomach has become. Food looks amazing. And smells amazing. But it only seems to take minutes before the aching begins. And the murder dreams started again last night. This is all too familiar. And yet new. It's like my body is reminding me that I hate myself. That I am pretending to be someone I am not.
I am falling apart.