Friday, 29 August 2014

I'm Stronger Than I've Been Before

I waited so long. It felt like time didnt exist any more. As if waiting had enveloped every single thing in its wake. Then suddenly it was over. I cried before it was over. Then it was over. I screamed. I danced. My husband smiled. I showered. I felt elated. I went to bed. And it was over. 

At first I thought I would scream it. Scream from the bottom of my lungs. Let the words explode out of me. And then I didnt. I kept it. Inside, sacred, special. I quietly shared with my best friends. With my family. I moved on. Somehow my husband forgot I hadnt had a chance to share with his side. So he awkwardly told them in a story about Froyo. I felt so embarrassed as they all stared and congratulated. This part was over. It is over.

Yet, all of this build up. The continued heightening of emotions as I waited and the it was just over. It wasnt how I imagined. I expected it to change everything I suppose. I was waiting for this moment to define my life. And all it defined was the many pages that needed to be filled out. It reminded me that it was time to open the books once more. That there was only 12 more weeks left. It was such a fleeting high that maybe it has not set in. Maybe I got so used to failing that I dont know how to cope with success.

Regardless, that chapter is closed. I can finally move on to the point where I get to choose my own adventure.

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