On paper it sounds like a real life. It sounds more organized than it is. It sounds like a life worked for. So how come inside I feel so mental? Like a basket case. I feel unsettled. I am checking my email constantly hoping for an interview or an offer and constantly seeing nothing. Yet I am hesitant to apply for the jobs I used to think I wanted because now they seem so lackluster and prohibitive. It is as though I have seen just a glimpse of a career I could be part of and now I cant think of anything else. Everything feels so close but just out of reach all at once. I just want to take the next step. To have a career not a job. To feel like I am making a difference but also living the life I have always wanted. I want to move on but ever since the door started to open it is as if time has stopped. I am going mental in my own mind.
But everyone thought she was beautiful only slightly mental. Beautiful only temperamental.