I have never given respect so much thought in my entire twenty six years, 3 months and days, than I have in the last few weeks. I knew respect was important. I always tried to respect my elders. I began to learn to respect myself. But I never thought about others respecting me. This realization and desire for respect has been as double edged as any double edged sword. It has been so enlightening and has helped me love myself to an extent I was not aware of. It has also shaken my core with realizations that others do not hold respect, or more likely respect me, in the regard I do.
I should preface this with the fact that I do not live in the city. I live in a smaller city. This results in a commute to everything.
Last month or so, I had an interview. The commute was short and only 30 minutes each way. I had a lot going on that week but was excited for the opportunity so put my life on hold to make this interview work. The problem was that the interviewer never showed up. I asked at the desk several times and they kept reassuring me that I was best to wait. I waited over an hour. Commuted thirty minutes home. Two hours were gone for nothing. No notice that my interview was not happening. Nothing. I felt enraged when I got home. How could someone care so little about my time to not even let me know they were not going to make it? I emailed said interviewer the next day and eventually heard a response that something came up and ultimately they slept through the interview. An apology was made and I moved on.
However, this situation re-emerged this week. I had been feeling under the weather more so than usual so had spent the day at home. I was finally in a really good study groove but did not want to miss out on my study group so begrudgingly hopped in the car to fight rush hour traffic for the next hour to meet with the group. Being who I am, I was early and happy to sit and wait. Five o'clock emerged, no one. I waited another five minutes before sending a message. No response. Another ten minutes. I called. Study group was cancelled. How were they to know I was coming? I mean I had never missed a single study group up to that point. I had said I was coming. How would they know I wasnt tricking them? They didnt bother to let me know and felt no remorse that I had now wasted ninety minutes. I was livid. Not even an apology! As if this was my own doing! I was fortunate enough to spend the next hour commuting home in rush hour, letting my anger festinate.
Perhaps I am being dramatic. Or perhaps I just want my time to be respected. I want others to recognize that my time is as valuable as their time is. That I also have a busy life and sacrifice for meetings. That I am the one that lives out of town and that driving in rush hour is like being tortured. I just want to feel respected. And to spend my time with people that respect me, not people that do not even think of me as an after thought.
Hence, I have not heard back from said job as they are still trying to get organized and will contact me again in a few weeks. And I am looking for new study partners as I am tired of being unappreciated or recognized.
Respect is weightier than we realize. I hope to disrespect people a lot less often as I have become aware of its effects.