Tuesday, 2 September 2014

But If I Dont Break Your Heart, Then Things Will Just Get Worse

When the burden seems too much to bear, remember  the end will justify the pain it took to get us  there.

I am not good at having the conversations that no one wants to have. At saying the unsaid words that need to come out. They come out as thoughts or whispers across a space that feels large and empty. They come out as sarcasm or passing thoughts as life travels between the state of awake and asleep. Or they sit in a jar, collecting dust, taking up space knowing they will never be moved or dusted. I allow the insecurity that is me to stop my thoughts, my words.

I need to learn to voice my fears. My inhibitions. Those things that just dont seem right. And to do so without arguing. Between freshman year and now I have become an emotional human. One that speaks, lives, and breathes emotion. I cannot share my thoughts and fears and concerns like an automated report. I feel. Deeply. And because of that I struggle with my words. With sharing. With opening up. But I am finally seeing this isnt beneficial. This is only creating divides. Opening wounds instead of building bridges. I need to learn to voice the pain and frustrations to get there.

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