Friday, 19 September 2014

She Was Mine When She Was Here, But I Think She Has Always Been Yours

I glanced at the clock as I drove. Traffic had been light, I was going to much too early to dinner. I then wondered if anyone else would be early. There was a chance. I knew I was close. The map said less than ten minutes. As I began to exit I realized I was so close to her grave. If I went the opposite direction from what my map said I would be with her in minutes. I merged the opposite way. I had the time and it had been a few months. I crossed my legs and let my head cock to the side as I brushed the stone. Noticing our flowers were long gone. If only I had planned ahead and brought some. Perhaps when I am down that way this weekend. I read the few words and dates over and over. I began to talk. I teared up as I told her about how much has changed. About how I wished she was here. I ached. I explained how the other kids are coming this weekend and how she would have loved them. The girls would be just months apart. Seven. They would have loved each other, I am sure of it. I told her that I thought so. I cried. I shared thoughts of love and finally said goodbye promising that I thought of her everyday.

Only two of us go, that I know of. Perhaps those blood related go. I dont know. I told you about it as we sat in your car after dinner. Of how much I missed her and how she needs more flowers. In your motherly way you looked at me and told me how she was yours when she was with us. You loved her as a daughter, but somehow you always knew she was my baby. I sure love her as if she was mine. I miss those hours together in the hospital. It wasnt long enough. No time would have been long enough. I will be back soon. I promise. I love you.

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